HARGAI MASA YANG ADA WALAU CUMA SESAAT

Assaalamualaikum korang. Its been awhile tak update any entry. Luckily tak bau hapak lagi blog ni u all. Huhu. Maybe there's too much thing to be think of and settle. Yeahh. Perhaps. Anddd, follow with the sadness I feel now. How I wish this will end soon. Uncontrol feeling. Hurt alot like seriously. Emmm, taktau nak share kat sape and even dunno how to share actually. Its not about taktau nak share kat sapa. There's some friend I cud share with but Im much speechless. So, I decided just to share everything here. Based on writing method as if I cud heal a bit. I wish. Hmmm. 

Well. Just so you people know, Im back here at campus since last week. Not exactly last week. But yeahh. Its much less a week. This is not about how homesick am I. Its about how sad Im thinking of grandpa. My grandpa. A dad to my father obviously. The only grandpa that only I have left now. Since grandpa belah mama dah lama takda. About 21 years ago dah takda. Okayy. Let straight to the point you all. Sorry Deera tak seceria and seceloteh as usual. Im too much over my sadness and emotion. Even now Deera still crying. And I cant even handle it. Beyond my control indeed. Lebih lebih lagi bila family keep updating bout my grandpa. How Im gonna stop crying over someone I love and had raised me up. Okayyy. Its hurt! Deera kat sini and family Deera kat sana. And unfortunately Deera takbole balik. 

Sehari selepas Deera flee back to KL. Grandpa Deera dimasukkan ke ward kat hospital hometown Deera. And that time, Deera just risau sikit sebab papa said he wasnt that bad. Its just grandpa fainted and agak lama dari biasa je. So, papa said he's gonna be ok soon. But a few days later, I got a news from mom that grandpa didnt ever recovered yet. And what more worst masih dalam keadaan tak sedar. But papa keep hiding. And at one point, mama keep updating. Then mama said grandpa disahkan strok. Then still papa didnt come clean. Until grandpa dipindahkan ke hospital lain after dia dah sedar. Grandpa dipindah ke hospital where's my aunty worked. And baru hari tu papa nak bercerita sejujur-jujurnya bahawa datuk Deera dah tak mamu bercakap, tak mampu bergerak. and tak mampu sangat untuk melihat and what more worst,otak datuk Deera dah tak berfungsi sebelah. 

Hati mana tak sedih. Semua orang boleh jenguk dia. Tapi Deera tak boleh. And yang paling Deera sedih, we cant even able to meet at airport at the day yang Deera kena fly balik KL sebab uncle Deera lambat sampai airport. Kalau lah Deera lamat sikit je check in, maybe Deera sempat lagi jumpa datuk Deera dalam keadaan yang normal and boleh bercakap dengan Deera. Kalau lah Deera lambat sikit je. Sikit je!! Deera kesal sangat. Kesal sangat sangat. Yang buat Deera lagi sedih, semua family Deera cakap datuk Deera nampak sangat sedih and termenung je lepas tak sempat jumpa Deera kat airport tu. Sehari lepas tu datuk Deera terus tetiba sakit yang terus msuk hospital tu. And now dah jadi macam ini. Deera kat sini mampu dengar je family Deera update tentang datuk Deera. How Im gonna stop crying. This is so killing me. Kalau lah Deera sedar yang when we got into the deeper conversation last few nite before Deera balik tu lah the last time yang Deera akan dengar segala apa yang dia cakap. :(